I was reading an article the other day about the reasons “artist” choose to create. It was very “status quo” and gave references to the already known reasons some may choose to be an artist.
Fame.
Money.
And fame again.
It didn't leave room for independent reasons that may not fit in the industry box. Its a topic that hits home for me and I felt led to write about it.
I have been on this journey for quite a while.
From the mouth of my mother, I was singing at the tender of age of three, reciting the lyrics of the Atlanta naive, Dorothy Norwood. Her jam, “Rough Side of the Mountain,” was released in October of 1983. Surprisingly, I can still hear the song in my head after all those years. I wonder how often my mother played it, for it was also told that I was “forbidden” to sing it by my father, not long after I learned the lyrics.
Maybe my three year old pipes were out of tune. Who knows!
This interesting find led me to understand why I starting singing in choirs. I sang from the second grade on to high school. When my family moved to Atlanta, I was no longer able to get into the choirs and decided to write poetry and articles in the school newspaper and yearbook.
During my graduation year, I heard about American Idol coming to Atlanta and that put me in a different head space. I mean, if I auditioned and won, that would have changed the trajectory of my life. While I didn't get to the final steps, I did meet some good people from Florida that I kept up with regularly after that time.
But I didn't stop there.
I sang backup and did “hooks” for individual artist that I met throughout the years. I was also the praise leader and choir director for the churches I attended for many years.
Yet, I was still only making music within the box that was provided.
And none of these learning experiences were paid. And I began to wonder if my gift would ever make room for me.
While I am not complaining, I was taken aback every time I wanted to go out on my own to sing.
This push back came from many people who were close to me including church and family members.
I started to believe the only way I would do my own thing was if God came down and set the path in front of me.
This lead me to spiral a bit.
- I didn't want to create.
- I didn't want to praise.
- I choose to work without distractions.
But those who know, know, that when God isn't finish with you, you can't hide for very long.
You see, each year, I put down the pen, I picked up other “creative opportunities” that failed.
And they failed badly.
Each business venture, each book, each recipe, they all folded, with no capital gains.
I sat with debt and in a whole lot of frustration.
Because why can't I be successfully creative in other areas? Why am I finding loss in all of these entrepreneurship avenues?
These gifts that we have also come with major responsibility.
Yeah, they are gifts, but could be seen as curses if we don't understand why we have them to begin with.
I sat in silence one faithful day and decided to really seek God on why I've been singing since I was three.
I read Psalms, Corinthians, and other good books and came across a scripture that gave me peace.
Psalms 56: 16 says,
"But I will sing of your strength, in the morning I will sing of your love; for you are my fortress,
my refuge in times of trouble."
Now there are other scriptures in Psalms that speak on singing, but this one stuck.
Here I am trying to run from my problems, trying to hide my gift because I don't know how to share it in the way I know is possible, and the God says, “Sing of my strength, for I got you in your times of need.”
Like, really?
All I have to do is sing.
Just sing.
It doesn't matter who hears.
It doesn't matter who receives it.
Just sing.
Because God enjoys when I do and it shows my love for Him.
And ya'll while fame is important and riches are important, I can honestly say, I'm just meant to sing. I meant to create. I am meant to write. And all of this will make room for me.
Why?
Because God said so.
And that is really all that matters.
So in reference to the article that only provided fame and money as the determining factor that pushes people to become artist, some of us have a deeper reason.
Some of us do it for God. Period.
If some of my banter makes you want to read more, check out some of my other articles and leave a message. Feel free to check out my music page as well. I'd love to connect!
XOXO,
KIAMANI from @MusicbyKiamani